Crossroads and the Double-Wicked Candle

Wednesday and Thursday were long days. Departed Mar del Plata in the early afternoon. Arrived in Buenos Aires just in time to hop aboard an overnight bus to Santiago, Chile with a transfer in Mendoza. Bus ride was non eventful for the most part besides a demonstration in the middle of the road on the way into the Andes from Mendoza. A group of hospital protestors decided igniting a bonfire and pounding on drums would be a grand gesture for their cause. It worked, well at least their effort to disable the road. Not sure about their overlying goal. I would assume it did nothing to help that cause. I would also assume blockading a main arterial in the area would prevent anyone from receiving emergency medical treatment, which is what their cause relates to in the end. Whatever their motives, heavy rain came, put out their fire, and their will to carry on. The ride through the Andes was beautiful when I mustered up the energy to open my eyes and gaze out the window. Not a lot of color, but plenty of weather worn peaks.

Arrived in Santiago three hours after we were scheduled. Because of the fact I darted directly to Chile, I didn't have the opportunity to properly prepare myself for arrival in my destination. Given this, I had no hostel in mind, no money, and no idea what I was going to do. Fortunately, there was a kind gentlemen who took me to five different ATMs before one of them would dispense me funds. He then steered me towards a hostel. Being unaware of the exchange rate, I accidentally tipped him the equivalent of $20 US. Can't say he didn't deserve it.

Enter crossroads. After the bus journey, I haven't felt good, I've developed a rash on my wrists, fingers, and palms of my hands, and been presented with some kind of stomach ailment (potentially from the water, although everyone has told me it is fine to drink) which allows me a window of 15-45 minutes of free roaming time before the proper amenities are required. In simple terms, I'm burnt out and I can't even take the chance to explore this city without a fresh pair of drawers on my person. I have 32 more days until my scheduled departure from Lima. Seven of these nights will involve long-distance bus travel. Leaving me 25 lonely nights in hostels. The fact that I'm even counting the days at this point leads me to believe its time for me to pack up my excessive baggage and head for home earlier than anticipated.

I am torn in this decision. My gut, mind, and heart are all in different places. A significant goal in my life is to see all that I am able. In this category, I am already far ahead of the curve. An even more significant goal is to create and maintain balance within my soul. So far on this trip, from September until today, there have been wonderfully balanced moments and days. Yet, for the most part, the entire experience has been askew. I believe this has caught up to me given my present state of discomfort and lack of motivation. Yesterday my mindset changed four different times. I awoke this morning back at square one. I know it would be a rewarding experience no matter how marvelous or miserable. This leads me to ponder, is the reward worth the cost? It's not a matter of whether I think I can do it or not. I know I can. It's a matter of do I really want to? Do I really need to? This trip has already altered my spirit in ways I surely haven't yet reflected upon.

Yesterday, I had my first meaningful conversation in Spanish with an Ecuadorian bunkmate at the hostel. I found myself enjoying the conversation, and in its culmination, we agreed and emphasized that love and family are by far the most important things in the development of a person. Not necessarily to the degree at which either are positive factors, but that they are the most important factors nonetheless. Doesn't matter if an individual has a good family, a bad family, or no family at all. Same with love. The experience of love or no love, it still has a tremendous effect on one's being. I thoroughly enjoyed the conversation in my terrible spanish, and would love for more similar encounters. Sadly, its nearly been four months and that was a first.

Here I am, still no ground covered. As usual my thoughts come in circles, never leading me anywhere except further into the issue. At this point, its a matter of where I am three days from now. Am I feeling better? Are my spirits and motivation up for it? Am I still counting down the days? My drive for balance and travel are never going to go away as long as my lungs expand, my heart pumps, and my synapses keep on a firing. So which one wins out here?