Stuck on Repeat

Sometimes I want to write little quips about things I find interesting, yet when it comes to putting words down, my mind draws blank. It’s frustrating. How versatile would I be as a writer if I could just write about some little factoid at length until exhaustion? I have the ability. I just don’t do a whole hell of a lot of prep work for these things. We people are funny creatures. There are so many of us. It’s pretty frightening. We’re all fighting for our way through this life. The fortunate (myself and most who would ever read this) are blessed with the gifts of time, education, and capability for abstract thought and introspection. The unfortunate (seemingly) expel all efforts on survival. Making way for the next dollar, the next meal, the next relaxing moment. My life seems to rotate around leisure. It’s what I’m accustomed to. I’m also accustomed to getting lost in thought and contemplation. Something that can be as hindering as it is enlightening. So this is my most serious attempt at connecting with myself, nature, and the other 6 odd billion people on this planet. The funny thing is, I don’t expect anyone to read this, but people do periodically and I still don’t even know about it. It’s what I enjoy, and I’m happy with it. I don’t have the will power or ambition to help the world on a global scale, it’s not what I want at all. I think the world is about as perfect it’s going to be at any given moment. There are capable individuals living out their dream helping the disadvantaged all over the world. Everyone’s got their thing and I’ve got mine. Billions of things. No one’s right, no one’s wrong. Some are definitely fucked, and other’s aren’t quite so much. But there’s a (dis)harmony only the supremely positioned and egotistical can ever tamper with. It’s happened before and it will happen again. Luckily for all of us, we have no control, nature reigns. The weight of the world rests only on the psychotic and delusional.

Thom Yorke was a real treat and highlight at Coachella 2 weeks ago. In the middle of his set with his band, he opted to play a few songs by his lonesome. Here are videos of the 3 songs he performed. The first, "Give up the Ghost" really blew my mind when I heard it. A complex string of loops and harmonies. The second he played was "Airbag". A great great song. The last he played was "Everything in its Right Place", which somewhat speaks to my point made above (at least the title). It sounds very different stripped of its electro heavy musical composition, not better, not worse, just different.

Fally Ranking

Dropping the ball. Keeping myself a little too busy. Haven't even been keeping up on my DC. Burnt the candle at both ends a little too crispy. Coachella was amazing. Great time with friends and music in the desert. Even before that I had been dropping the ball. Sleeping in 20 minutes too late. I'm still making my tea. Still eating breakfast, so why does this get chopped out. This is just as necessary for my attempt at productive and healthy living. Extinguishing and replenishing those creative flowing forces. Some days they are here, others they are vacated. Sipping a margarita somewhere more beautiful than my head. Its tough. Can't beat yourself up over things that slip through the cracks. If my whole life was one big crack (it often feels like it) then being upset with myself would be somewhat validated. Unfortunately for my inner masochist, I've been a busy boy. Taking that step by step approach to twentysomethinghood/life. King of the clueless. Redundancies. Being led blindfolded through the dark. My advantage is that I know I have none. Just bust it and trust it. Becoming human means learning to distrust instincts. Put more faith in my mind? That pile of mush gets me nowhere except 3 or 4 pegs down reality's ladder. Thinking in circles, creating whirlwinds which only serve to slam doors shut. Let's get primal, let that gut make the decisions. Let nature and the opposable thumbs take their course. It's tough, especially after all these years of forced humanity, obscured complexities, and over-analyzation.

Why do I care? I can barely stand witnessing pain. I cringe seeing pain in the faces of others. It puts me in a very ambiguous state. I can't feel the pain although I want to, I can only stand by and offer a depleted pseudo-comfort. All real comfort having been stripped from me in the process of witnessing. The only way pain seems natural in this world is when it's mine. So strange how it comforts. Death is beautiful in many ways because it is the absence of pain. Yet also the absence of life. Life is pain. Life is love. The extremes that bookend life and death. Pain, suffering, love, and beauty.

A powerful lyric from a powerful lyricist. I heard it for the first time much more than half of my life ago. Although it didn't mean anything to me then, it was still very applicable then and now. "I miss the comfort in being sad" written by Kurt Cobain in the song "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" performed by Nirvana.

A much more playful tune, counteracting life's dark truths with its sweet grooves. "Fally Ranking" Johnny Osbourne

Day by Day

Shoots. Not my intention to let it go this long, but last week was a little loose. Took care of the pooch and house. Besides missing my DC, everything has been going pretty good. Closer to the ultimate goal. Have classes lined up for Summer. Still searching on the job front. One step away from finishing my 2009 taxes. Music is beginning to sound better and better. We’re getting serious. Things are coming together. Synergy. What a bullshit word. Might as well say togetherness, collective chemistry or another loaded term. Synced energy? Is that really how they came up with that word? All I know is my energy flow is going at a pace I’m very content with. Making money would be nice, but I have yet many things to do before cash flow gets priority over energy flow. In fact, I think gaining dependants is the only way that would ever happen. Call me a hippie, call me a freak, call me a beautiful soul unwilling to sacrifice for artificial gain. I’m setting myself up for success. Ask anyone with happiness, and extreme financial security, it didn’t happen overnight. Maybe the hap chance lotto victor can claim this, but hardly anybody else. Even most of them will proudly claim association to the grind before the big gift entered their lives. Same goes with relationships and understanding. Trust your gut and your vibes, but don’t put thoughts and words into the minds and mouths of others. If something feels off then it probably is. Take a step back to see what could be different. What could make the uneasiness go away. Day by day.

"The Sky is Fallin'", by Queens of the Stone Age. Stuck in my head for 6 or 7 years now. Any song with Dave Grohl on drums is a winner, but penned by Josh Homme makes it even better. 5 days until I'm watching the two of them joined by LZ's John Paul Jones take the stage out in the desert...