Fally Ranking

Dropping the ball. Keeping myself a little too busy. Haven't even been keeping up on my DC. Burnt the candle at both ends a little too crispy. Coachella was amazing. Great time with friends and music in the desert. Even before that I had been dropping the ball. Sleeping in 20 minutes too late. I'm still making my tea. Still eating breakfast, so why does this get chopped out. This is just as necessary for my attempt at productive and healthy living. Extinguishing and replenishing those creative flowing forces. Some days they are here, others they are vacated. Sipping a margarita somewhere more beautiful than my head. Its tough. Can't beat yourself up over things that slip through the cracks. If my whole life was one big crack (it often feels like it) then being upset with myself would be somewhat validated. Unfortunately for my inner masochist, I've been a busy boy. Taking that step by step approach to twentysomethinghood/life. King of the clueless. Redundancies. Being led blindfolded through the dark. My advantage is that I know I have none. Just bust it and trust it. Becoming human means learning to distrust instincts. Put more faith in my mind? That pile of mush gets me nowhere except 3 or 4 pegs down reality's ladder. Thinking in circles, creating whirlwinds which only serve to slam doors shut. Let's get primal, let that gut make the decisions. Let nature and the opposable thumbs take their course. It's tough, especially after all these years of forced humanity, obscured complexities, and over-analyzation.

Why do I care? I can barely stand witnessing pain. I cringe seeing pain in the faces of others. It puts me in a very ambiguous state. I can't feel the pain although I want to, I can only stand by and offer a depleted pseudo-comfort. All real comfort having been stripped from me in the process of witnessing. The only way pain seems natural in this world is when it's mine. So strange how it comforts. Death is beautiful in many ways because it is the absence of pain. Yet also the absence of life. Life is pain. Life is love. The extremes that bookend life and death. Pain, suffering, love, and beauty.

A powerful lyric from a powerful lyricist. I heard it for the first time much more than half of my life ago. Although it didn't mean anything to me then, it was still very applicable then and now. "I miss the comfort in being sad" written by Kurt Cobain in the song "Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle" performed by Nirvana.

A much more playful tune, counteracting life's dark truths with its sweet grooves. "Fally Ranking" Johnny Osbourne